Join as Evilive makes the recipe Arkhan the Cruel’s Flame-Roasted Halfling Chili from Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook by Kyle Newman, Jon Peterson, and Michael Witwer. Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook was published by Ten Speed Press on October 27, 2020. You can buy Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook here: https://amzn.to/3YUTPAD
About Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • 80 recipes inspired by the magical world of Dungeons & Dragons
“Ready a tall tankard of mead and brace yourself for a culinary journey to match any quest!”—Tom Morello, Rage Against the Machine
From the D&D experts behind Dungeons & Dragons Art & Arcana comes a cookbook that invites fantasy lovers to celebrate the unique culinary creations and traditions of their favorite fictional cultures. With this book, you can prepare dishes delicate enough to dine like elves and their drow cousins or hearty enough to feast like a dwarven clan or an orcish horde. All eighty dishes—developed by a professional chef—are delicious, easy to prepare, and composed of wholesome ingredients readily found in our world.
Heroes’ Feast includes recipes for snacking, such as Elven Bread, Iron Rations, savory Hand Pies, and Orc Bacon, as well as hearty vegetarian, meaty, and fish mains, such as Amphail Braised Beef, Hommlet Golden Brown Roasted Turkey, Drow Mushroom Steaks, and Pan-Fried Knucklehead Trout—all which pair perfectly with a side of Otik’s famous fried spiced potatoes. There are also featured desserts and cocktails—such as Heartlands Rose Apple and Blackberry Pie, Trolltide Candied Apples, Evermead, Potion of Restoration, and Goodberry Blend—and everything in between, to satisfy a craving for any adventure.
Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook
Arkhan the Cruel’s Flame-Roasted Halfling Chili
Meat for the meat god! Understandably, the preparation of halfling is frowned upon in many realms, but their consumption is an important part of dragonborn cuisine. However, this recipe is rumored to be the personal one of Arkhan the Cruel, notorious disciple of the five-headed dragon goddess, Tiamat, and thus worthy of inclusion. You won’t catch this ferocious and cunning Oathbreaker Paladin eating anything less than the finest halfling flesh in his chili, but the spices work wonderfully with any meat substitute you choose–in this instance, spice ground turkey, or abyssal chicken, which is simmered for hours with kidney beans, allspice, cloves, cayenne, and a Vecna’s handful of cocoa powder. This filling meat sauce can be consumed by the bowl or scooped on top of other beast (meat) or noodles.
Serves 4 to 6
- 1 ½ tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 ½ tablespoons chili powder
- 1 ¼ teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 1 ½ teaspoons dried oregano
- ¾ teaspoon ground cumin
- ½ teaspoon ground allspice
- ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
- ¼ teaspoon cayenne, or as needed
- Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
- 2 (15-ounce) cans red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
- 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
- 4 slices bacon
- 1 large yellow onion. finely chopped
- 5 garlic cloves, finely chopped
- 1 (15-ounce) can tomato puree
- 2 teaspoons dark or light brown sugar
- 1 pound lean ground turkey
- 1 teaspoon cider vinegar
Oyster crackers, freshly cooked buttered noodles, grated Cheddar cheese, and/or finely chopped onion for serving (optional)
In a small bowl, mix together the cocoa powder, chili powder, cinnamon, oregano, cumin, allspice, cloves, cayenne, ½ teaspoon salt, and 1-2 teaspoon pepper. Set aside.
In a blender or food processor, puree half the kidney beans with about ¾ cup of the broth until smooth and set aside.
In a small Dutch oven over medium heat, fry the bacon, turning it over as necessary, until well rendered and lightly browned, about 13 minutes. Transfer the bacon to paper towels to drain, chop it, and reserve.
Return the pot to medium heat, add the onion and a pinch of salt to the rendered bacon fat, and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and the reserved spice mixture and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 1 minute more. Add the remaining 1 ¼ cups broth and bring to a simmer, stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot to loosen and dissolve any browned bits. Add the tomato puree, brown sugar, and pureed bean mixture and stir to incorporate. Add the ground turkey and break it into large chunks (it will break down more on its own). Add the remaining kidney beans and stir to mix. Adjust the heat to medium-high and bring to a simmer; then adjust the heat to medium-low and simmer to blend flavors and thicken slightly, stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot occasionally, about 30 minutes.
Add the vinegar and reserved bacon and stir. Taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary. Serve with oyster crackers or noodles, cheese, and onion, as desired.
Cook’s Note
The cocoa powder contributes both flavor complexity and a dark hue to the chili, without making it taste of chocolate. The cayenne gives a bare tingle, but you can certainly add more if you like your chili spicy-hot.
Transcript
Intro
Welcome to Eviliv3, your one-stop location online for Dungeons & Dragons recipes which prompt the question, where the hell did you find halfling meat this late in the season? Subscribe if you’re new to the channel, because today we are making the recipe Arkhan the Cruel’s Flame-Roasted Halfling Chili from Heroes’ Feast: The Official D&D Cookbook by Kyle Newman, Jon Peterson, and Michael Witwer.
Transcript
I began by collecting my ingredients: one and one-half tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder, one and one-half tablespoons chili powder, one and one-fourth teaspoons cinnamon, one and one-half teaspoons oregano, three-fourths teaspoon ground cumin, one-half teaspoon ground allspice, one-fourth teaspoon ground cloves, one-fourth teaspoon cayenne, or as needed, Salt and pepper, two 15-ounce cans of red kidney beans, two-cups low-sodium chicken broth, four slices of bacon, one yellow onion, five garlic cloves, one can tomato puree, two teaspoons light brown sugar, one pound lean ground turkey, one teaspoon cider vinegar, and oyster crackers and cheese to finish.
I mixed together the cocoa powder, chili powder, cinnamon, oregano, cumin, allspice, cloves, cayenne, one-half a teaspoon of salt, and one-half a teaspoon of pepper in a small container. I inadvertently added the brown sugar as well, which is supposed to go in later, but… I misread the instructions. This happens a couple of times. Next I drained and rinsed half of the red kidney beans, and put them in my blender with three-fourths cup of broth. I blended them until they were smooth and set it aside.
I then began frying the bacon in my cast iron pot. Once it was cooked on both sides, I patted the excess grease off on a towel, and chopped them up, setting them aside as well. Next I was forced to weep as I chopped the yellow onion, poorly I might add. I have chopped a billion onions in my day, but for some reason, this one was a mess. Once I was finished I added it to the medium heat pot, added some seasoning and cooked it in the bacon fat until it had color. I should have cooked them for a few more minutes. I then added broth, which was a bit too early, but again, I misread the instructions. I quickly chopped the garlic cloves, and added it and the spice mixture to the pot, cooking it until it was fragrant. I brought it all to a simmer, stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot to get all the leftover goodness to mix in.
Next I added the puree and bean mixture, stirring them in to incorporate. Then the turkey went in, after rough chopping it into large chunks. I drained and rinsed the remaining kidney beans and added them as well. I increased the heat to bring it to a simmer, then dropped it so it could continue to simmer, blending the flavors together. I stirred it from time to time, scraping the bottom of the pot, and allowed it to cook for thirty minutes. At the end of the timer, I folded in the chopped bacon and vinegar. This was made for a chili cook off between myself and my friends, and while I didn’t win the competition, I did enjoy the recipe and it was received well. After topping it off with oyster crackers and cheddar cheese, it was a delightful way to warm up in chili weather…. See what I did there?
Rating
I will give this execution of the dish four out of five evil eyes. It was thicker than expected, so in the future I will add a little more bacon, puree and stock.
Outro
Thank you for tuning in. As always, like it or not, “Evil” spelled backwards is “Live.” So get out there and be evil.